No more room in the boat

conflict-boat1There is no more room in the boat.

I have been struggling with the concept that I am going to have to reprioritize.  I WANT to do everything.

That loud splashing sound is something I want getting pushed out of the boat.

One of my most memorable lessons from high school was my science teacher doing the “Big Rocks” demonstration.  I KNOW I should put the big rocks in first.

This post is a long rambling self reflection.

Bail out now, unless you are really curious about my inner thoughts.

I am trying to think through a problem.  I tried to explain to my tutor that I need to change my life to make room for the hours I plan to give to studying with him.  But that adjustment isn’t easy for me.

Learning Korean is the most important thing in my life right now.  It gets the lion’s share of my time.  Yet with all the time I devote to it, I make little progress because I keep switching between tasks and taking side trips.  I fritter away time.  I spend hours socializing, drawing,  reading, and taking photographs.

Anthony Lauder is right in his approach to do the serious studying in the morning, and leave the play time to afternoon when the other work is done.

I had a reality slap today when my tutor readjusted my schedule because “I didn’t have the time to devote”.  Damn.  Is that what he thinks, when from my perspective I had made tutoring my top priority and slacked on KDA to work on his vocabulary list?

It is hard to face, but all these mini-projects that I think I can “slip in” because they are fun leave me tired and with no time left to devote the kind of studying I have to do now that I am in Level 2 KDA and doing tutoring.

KDA & Tutoring = 2 Big Rocks

I’m horrified that from KDA teacher and italki tutor’s perspective, I am a slacker.  I’m consistently making the wrong choices on how to spend my time.

I am a slacker.

Truthfully, I am giving too much time to Korean, and still ending with unsatisfactory results.  My process for learning doesn’t work.  It must change, if for no other reason than I am neglecting other parts of my life that need my attention.  It is clear I need to spend LESS time on Korean.  So the time I do have for Korean needs to get more efficient and structured.

“The key is not to prioritize what’s on your schedule, but to schedule your priorities.”
– Stephen R. Covey

I’ve reached a conclusion after doing soul searching and trying to write out a schedule that would give me all the real life needs, studying goals, and fun learning activities too plus social time.  It can’t be done.  Which I have sort of known, but not wanted to face.  It is why I have been reeling ever since I got the list of tasks from the tutor.  I don’t have that much more time in my schedule, even if I don’t do ANYTHING fun and let my health and household suffer from neglect.  How long could I keep up a no-fun, all study schedule?  Pfft.  Not even a week would be my bet.

So I continue to think.  It has been a deep thinking night for me.  1 am now.  I don’t have my solutions yet, but I do have a bit more of an understanding of the problem.

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