Language learning feels a bit like the video game Katamari. In the game, you roll a magical, highly adhesive ball around various locations, collecting increasingly larger objects, ranging from thumbtacks to people to mountains,
We roll around collecting bits of language, some sticks, some falls off. We have to gain a certain mass of language knowledge before we can pick up some of the more difficult items. If you build up carefully, slowly, it will keep growing. However, if you are haphazard, things won’t stay, and something drops with every bump. It becomes this unwieldy mess.
Lately, it has felt like I am accumulating stress in my katamari ball. The weight of all the accumulated words and grammar feels too heavy to move. Things I thought I had learned have gotten lost, buried deep. I try to make sentences, and I get confused by so many grammar structures, none of which I feel I know well. I just feel like I am being crushed.
FLYLady would say “you can’t organize clutter”. That’s what all these bits of Korean feel like. A big, unorganized pile of clutter that grows every day. Trying to find what I need means digging through all that rubble. Like a hoarder, I am trying to hold on to everything, mastering nothing, and incredibly slow at it.
It might just be exhaustion. Speaking has my stress levels off the charts. I can’t sleep. I am constantly worried. My brain can’t absorb anything.
I want to be more positive, but everything in me is screaming “STOP THE STRESS!”